Memo – Trust Government

Subject: Our team of fictional political scientists explain why you can trust government.

Disclaimer

This entire document is fictional and brought to you by the amazing fictional MEMOS team. They have gone to great lengths to assemble the best fictional political scientists. They are completely unbiased and have no vested interests, all of them just happen to be employed by MOPS, the Ministry of Political Science.

Introduction

You will no doubt be concerned that some fictional characters allegedly don’t trust the government. While such an attitude problem will come as quite a shock to many fictional citizens, please don’t worry. The government is here to help you, they have not asked us to provide re-education material to help unfortunate – government tells the truth deniers.

Solid Reasons to Trust the Government

Every year the government does more and more thinking for you. Relieving you of the nerve wracking worry of “what should we do?” Don’t worry government will tell you.

Government tells you to only trust, trusted sources. Clearly the government understands your anxiety about who to believe. Government agencies and associated corporations, are monitored by government bodies, who follow government rules. Our experts conclude that this well integrated system of checks and balances means you can be well assured that there is no bias in the system and you can believe everything government says including who to consider as a trusted source.

Government provides enjoyment relief. Many fictional people suffer from depression caused by lots of people going out and enjoying themselves. This is clearly discriminatory as not everyone likes having fun. Those selfish people should stop having fun in solidarity with the people who don’t have fun. However the hedonistic-ally intoxicated are so inconsiderate. Thus government uses lockdowns to make everyone suffer from depression of not going out and having fun. While this is not totally successful, clearly reflected in market share of depression related pharmaceutical sales. The government is clearly trying to help, urging people not to flout the rules and stay indoors, you would think that people would at least have the decency to be miserable about it.

Government listens to the people. In the fictional world we know that alcohol can be a problem for some people. So to protect people who can not control their alcohol consumption, should you be responsible and protect them by not buying alcohol? Already government is helping, you can protect other people from disease by doing what the government tells you. Experts have identified that healthy people can protect unhealthy people. The healthy people just need to be cured of their seasonal vaccine deficiency. Government provides the tools to get this done.

Government can definitely be trusted when it comes to science. This was the fictional conclusion of  FART (Fictional Artificial Research Team). FART looked at a wide range of government funded studies, collated the data and using software developed for government systems concluded that the government is over 95 percent right about everything.

There's always one isn't there? Yes we had the one who questioned government fiscal policy. We consulted government finance ministers and they assured us that the closest to them in terms of fiscal responsibility were teenagers, but even they were not in the same league. Our team of independent financial consultants found that even the most excessively wayward youth of today could not match the governments ability to spend beyond their means and fob the debt off on others. Of course the “Trust the Government Deniers” will then latch on to this and misinterpret the conclusions of GERMS (Government Economic Report Ministry Scrutiny). They fail to appreciate the benefits of excessive spending.

1) Outsourcing to corporations increases profits, boosting share prices and stock market increases.

2) Consultants have increased work as they write reports on where government can make savings.

3) Uneconomic products that people are not demanding can be funded.

4) Inefficient systems can be artificially maintained creating jobs that produce nothing and therefore are not a burden on the earth’s resources.

5) Planned command economies can be built to unrealistic timescales promoting impractical solutions to contrived problems that only government and big corporations can solve.

6) Banks can lend even more money they never had, which helps the chancellor.

7) A vast array of experts can be maintained to provide advice tailored to meet government policy. These experts can then afford enviable lifestyles, which will drive the aspirations of the next generation of experts, who themselves will help fund the education system.

We could list all the items from the full fictional thousand page report but then it would not be a memo. So what is the one most solid conclusion of why you should trust the government?

Public holidays. Yes the number one reason to trust government is all those holidays they let you have.

Praise the dear leader.